Say hello to my invisible arch-nemesis, Lupus

Every great story of a rooftop pursuit, or of a graveyard confrontation, or of a desperate backalley shootout should have an arch-nemesis. Sometimes it’s a smart talking gangster. Sometimes it’s a mad scientist with a mad laugh and a mad robot sidekick (which also has a mad laugh). Sometimes it’s the Butler in the Conservatory with the salad tongs.

My arch-nemesis is invisible and is called Lupus.

I was diagnosed with Lupus a little over a year ago, but the truth is I’ve been struggling with its symptoms, in one way or another, for many years. One of the reasons I decided to start this blog is that I want to more actively express my creative spirit before the disease drains it from me completely.

You see, once upon a time, I wrote stories…

I don’t think I’ve ever been a particularly good storywriter, but I do enjoy the process and I have a few friends with a similar sense of humor who were happy to read my oddball tales.

The general consensus was that I was reasonably strong with dialogue, so I usually wrote stories heavy on character interaction. I particularly love manic scenes in which characters communicate at cross purposes to each other, as well as scenes that challenge the conventional portrayal of certain stereotypes.

Despite this love of writing, somewhere in my thirties I started to find it difficult to finish stories. I’d start a story with the usual flash of inspiration, but the torrent of ideas would quickly become a trickle, which would eventually disappear into a landscape that was barren of inspiration. At that time I knew nothing about Lupus fog, but I did know I was tired-tired-tired all the time, and hurting in odd ways, and often cognitively disassociated from the world around me.

Sadly for me, things have steadily become worse, to the point now where most days attempting to write creatively is a frustrating and miserable experience. I am painfully aware that once I expressed myself easily and relatively eloquently with language; now each sentence is a fight that often I will lose. Worse than that, my ideas are dull and shallow, and I find that hard to forgive.

Lupus, my arch-nemesis, is winning; but I don’t intend to go quietly.

So, Wisdom City is my little corner in which to work the muscles of my imagination; to share the things that make me laugh; to talk about the things that make me sad; to learn to be okay with what is happening.

It is also a place I will use to reach out to others, because this is happening to so many more people than just me.

For now, I’m tired and I can’t think straight, so I am going to stop writing, but you might like to continue with divawithlupus’s What Did Lupus Take Away?

Murray @ Midnight

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