Under the floorboards! They’re under the floorboards!!

I was in my local organic store today (I pronounce it ‘orjanic’, because it makes people twitchy) and I noticed that apparently you can now buy bamboo underpants.

As underwear goes, I’m sure they’re perfectly comfortable, but they sound like the kind of thing the bad people threaten you with when you won’t tell them where you stashed the diamonds.

However, ha!, the joke’s on you, bad people — my floor is tiled, there are no floorboards! Aha ahahaha!

…Please take the bamboo underpants off me now.